Gluten-Free bakery to add flavor.

Gluten-Free Bakery to Add Flavor:

Blandie’s Gluten-Free Bakery on Main Street has announced a revision of their inventory that will now allow for some baked goods to have flavor and some kind of taste.
Whole Foods to Finally Become Restricted Country Club.

Whole Foods to Finally Become Restricted Country Club:

Saying that the move was inevitable based on its pricing and specific appeal, all Whole Foods stores will now become Restricted Country Clubs featuring 18 holes of golf, tennis courts, bars serving $22 mixed drinks, and a cigar smoking lounge.
City Council Spends Entire Night Debating Smart Water.

City Council Spends Entire Night Debating Smart Water:

Spurred by insistence on the part of several council members that certain water was “just plain smarter” than other bottled waters, the Santa Monica City Council spent an entire meeting ferociously debating the merits of Smart Water.
Trump Buys Catalina Island; Will Become White House West.

Trump Buys Catalina Island; Will Become White House West:

Front-runner for the Republican Presidential nomination Donald Trump has announced he has purchased Catalina Island so that he can “clean the dump up” and make it a “White House-West fun getaway for me and my friends.
48 Screen Enormoplex Movie Theater to Break Ground.

48 Screen Enormoplex Movie Theater to Break Ground:

National General Multiple Theaters has announced it will soon break ground on Santa Monica’s first 48 screen Enormoplex movie theater. Referred to by industry insiders as “The Flickinator,” new technology will allow the 48 screen venue to show comic book franchise movies as they are being shot and produced. “All the waiting for another loud movie with cartoon people in it is over!” stated
New Gelson’s will feature Drive-Through Salad Bazooka

New Gelson’s will Feature Drive-Through Salad Bazooka:

Making good on a promise to give Santa Monica shoppers “time-saving help” in taking care of their grocery needs, the new Gelson’s will build a drive-through salad bazooka that blows a varied mix of lettuce, greens, and kale from a huge canon aimed at the open passenger side window of customer’s vehicles.
A rendering of the 360º loop unveiled for the end of the Expo Line extension to Santa Monica.

Expo Line To End In Santa Monica With 360° Loop: April Fool’s 2015!

By Alf Abet, Assembled Press Noting that some of the excitement over the Expo Line coming to Santa Monica has receded as construction and...
Hair dryers will be installed at all Big Blue Bus stops.

Santa Monica Bus Stop Improvements To Include Hair Dryers: April Fool’s 2015!

By Bill Loney, Assembled Press The re-do of the controversial new Santa Monica Bus Stops will include the installation of hair dryers at most...
Santa Monica City Council meetings are set to include exotic pets.

Santa Monica City Council Meetings To Include Exotic Pets: April Fool’s 2015!

By Sal Ami, Assembled Press Impressed with the abilities of Rocky the Fortune Telling Parrot to analyze projected costs of proposed city projects, the...
Uber and Lyft drivers have announced they are finally giving up for a new venture: selling drugs.

Uber/Lyft Drivers Give Up, Sell Drugs: April Fool’s 2015!

By Adam Meway, Assembled Press Citing pending litigation and “one hassle after another” involving the integration of their car services with the taxi industry,...

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