A Dog Day in Colliefornia:

While it isn’t yet that period of the summer when we technically have “dog days,” protestors gathered in the parking lot at St. Anne’s Church on June 14th and marched to Santa Monica College with the specific intent of making things hot and unpleasant for Arnold Schwarzenegger during his address to the graduating class there.

I would hardly call myself politically active, but… I marched with them. Let’s face it: The novelty has worn off and we’re all wide awake now. Like waking from a bad dream to discover your bedroom is on fire, the Schwarzenegger mistake only gets worse. And it was a proud moment for Santa Monica when, across generational, occupational, and even lines of common courtesy, our city had the good sense to be rude to the Governor. A special shout out to those present in Corsair Field who either disrupted or turned their backs on the Creepinator’s speech.

Those of us who gathered at St. Anne’s were never allowed to get near Arnold. We were able to gather in a SMC parking lot on Pico, where we chanted slogans, cheered, held our signs over our heads… and listened to speeches detailing Arnold’s repositioning of millions meant for education. Genius that he is, the Goofinator added insult to injury by announcing a special election that would cost — depending on who’s telling you — $40 to $80 million. Money that could be better spent.

But it wasn’t the thrashing over dollars that pushed me to march against the Mediocrenator. It was this whole idea, which he so perfectly encapsulates, that politics can be a process of popularity and media handling that not only ignores but also is defiant to real human need and practical solutions. Put another way, the Blobinator’s biggest political accomplishment continues to be his getting elected. I’m not aware of anything else he’s done that can be described as “positive” for our state and its people. So far, this entire embarrassing episode has benefited only one resident of our state: Schwarzenegger.

And yet, with nothing to show, the Putzinator remains undaunted. Here’s how lost in space we are with this guy: He starts doing TV ads again, convinced that serving up his charisma on camera once more, along with some zombie-like “people” and a prominent product placement for Coke, will turn the tide and carry out to sea the stink of his failure.

It never occurs to him that other people are good on camera as well. People like real schoolteachers who call him out on his disastrous fumbling. In fact, if it is all about image and media, why didn’t the Mookinator at least get the guidance to hire the vastly superior producers that made the teachers’ ads instead of the hacks that filmed him looking like a wax statue talking to the cast of George Romero’s latest project?

Because he’s not that good, people. Remember his campaign, the one that was forced upon us by rich Republicans looking to spank California into dancing to their tune by purchasing an election? Remember how the Cheeseanator traveled in a brightly painted bus and appeared at noisy rallies with washed up rock musicians? Have a look at those tapes. It wasn’t really working. He wasn’t smart then, and he’s not smart now.

The term “dog days” also applies to a period of stagnation or inactivity. I’d love to be able to hold up charts and graphs showing the flow of things away from one group of “special interests” to another. But I don’t think the Kaboominator’s hopefully short political career will ever produce a sinister link… to anything. I think there’s just a big straight line between the blimp storage warehouse where he keeps his ego, and the idea that his playing field should be bigger than a movie screen.

This Week’s “Know Your News” Quiz

1) A survey indicates LA county has

90,000

(a) homeless men, women, and children.

(b) Thai restaurants.

2) California will join an 11-state

(a) secession from the U.S.

(b) Mega Millions lotto.

3) There were 62,000 downloads of

(a) the new Coldplay album.

(b) roller-skating kitties.

Answer Key