Mirror TV CriticSimon Cowell is out to change the world one nobody at a time. You too can be elevated to star status or humiliated before millions next week when Cowell’s new talent show, “America’s Got Talent!” holds auditions in Los Angeles.April 6 through 8, nobodys with talent to spare, or nobodys seeking attention can find their way to auditions for “America’s Got Talent!” Here is what the website says:You can be 2 years old, 100 years old. You can be the next Destiny’s Child, you can be the next Jackson 5 or you can be the next David Copperfield,” Cowell said. “This is a show literally open to anybody.”Let us know if you have an elaborate set up, such as bands, illusionists, animals…so we can give you time to set up. Also, call us if you have animals or are performing physical and/or dangerous stunts as there is paperwork we need you to fill out before. Production reserves the right to refuse an audition to any individual or act, in its sole discretion.But you can’t just show up – you need to bring an ID, a legal guardian if you’re under 18, a decent enough costume (look as weird as possible if you want to be seen on TV), have a VISA or be a citizen, and animals you might use (gasp) must have proper immunization papers! All singers must come with two songs. Doors open at 10am. Are you scared yet? Or merely exhilarated? You too have a chance to win $1,000,000. A million dollars is worth a shred of dignity or two, don’t you think? But realize, you’ll have to be good, I mean, really good to get anywhere near even being able to utter the words “prize money,” and the rest of the time you will be unpaid talent making NBC and Simon Cowell, among others, rich. Think of it like the lottery. Or selling a screenplay.The desire to be lifted out of obscurity can’t compete with the producers’ desire to make money without having to pay people to participate. It’s an unholy alliance where everybody wins. The public gets to live vicariously through those crazy enough to take their shot, the nobodys get lifted out of obscurity and the cash register goes ka-ching. Talent shows haven’t done as well as American Idol, well, no show of any kind has, including the Olympics. But even still, the only shows like this audiences seem willing to tolerate are ones involving stars – you have to love how they throw the word star around. Okay, well maybe they like nannies too and super nannies and queer eyes and survivors and our fear factors and amazing racers, or the next top model or the best inventor. Gosh, is everyone going to be famous for fifteen minutes like Warhol said? At least Simon Cowell has proved that American audiences are as shallow and fame-obsessed as audiences in England. He’s not laughing at us, he’s laughing with us. And fortunately for him, there will always be a healthy supply of fools to put it all on the line for the chance of holding the public’s fickle attention for about as long as it takes to burn a match. Auditions are being held Thursday, April 6, Friday, April 7 and Saturday, April 8 at the Sheraton Los Angeles Downtown Hotel, 711 South Hope St. (south side of Wilshire).To find out more, visit the NBC “America’s Got Talent” website, nbc.com/Movies_Specials_More/Americas_Got_Talent/
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