Before we attack daylight saving time because it might not, in any direct way, be helping polar bears, I would like to point out that you still have to admire daylight saving from a design standpoint. It’s a simple idea, executed by means of a few reminders in the media and some clock adjusting, that at least has us all thinking about energy. It’s much “greener” than the Academy Awards show, which despite its enviro-friendly efforts this year still ended up issuing hot gases into the atmosphere for over three hours.
Now the cold water (which uses no energy by being heated): Many think that daylight saving time doesn’t do all that much to curb energy use. Some say that by having more daylight hours we do more outside our homes such as drive to the mall or to a golf course, burning gasoline along the way. And then because we’re still awake with our clocks turned forward, we stay up reading or watching TV and burning electricity. And then there’s the impact the new advanced daylight saving time might have on computer clocks, which if true means you’re not reading this article because modern civilization crumbled last Sunday.
But again, can we at least admire the fact that daylight saving doesn’t require costly hybrid technologies or solar panels on your roof? It asks only for a simple adjustment. Inspired by daylight saving, I started looking for other simple changes that wouldn’t require a scientific breakthrough or the purchase of expensive gear. They would, just like daylight saving time, be something that could save us all some energy and even improve our lives.
Limit Trump to State Fairs
Right now, we’re wasting valuable resources by paying attention to Donald Trump. If you could recoup the energy used to make his Apprentice shows, to fly him to various locations where he focuses an electricity-wasting spotlight on himself, the heat wasted in his Rosie O’Donnell feud (most of which is generated by burning compost), the gasoline burned by suckers driving to forums to hear Trump speak, not to mention the massive electro-magnetic force field employed to hold his hair in place… we could power a radio station offering useful information that helped people. A simple Congressional act limiting Trump to personal appearances at state fairs would keep him near the pie-eating contests and the two-headed sheep on the carnival midway… and save America a lot of precious energy.
Clearly American business is not going to kick its coffee jones anytime soon. Since percolating coffee and manufacturing the paper and plastic containers to hold it uses gobs of energy, why not allow employees to chew ground coffee as they would tobacco? Frustration at work? You’d be surprised how many problems disappear after a few hours of quiet reflection while munching a mouthful of Starbucks Guatemala Casi Cielo. (No fees accepted for this product placement.) What a windfall to the Third World countries offered contracts to manufacture corporate spittoons. And forget costly, time-consuming sexual harassment suits. Nobody is coming on to another employee who’s got a mouthful of chewed coffee grounds.
Replace TV with Puppet Shows
Parents are constantly wishing they could pull their kids away from the “boob tube” and into some healthier activity. Why not replace your gigantic energy-burning flat screen TV with the cardboard box that it came in, cut and trimmed to create a puppet theater. Now family evenings are filled with creative, homemade puppet shows that engage the kids and contain controlled amounts of sex and violence. Commercial free, it’s Punch and Judy on TiVo. But be warned: Puppet sales people will try to get you to upgrade to bigger and bigger puppets, and then as those puppets become fuzzy and you can’t get service, they’ll try talking you into digital puppets bundled with online ventriloquism service.