September 28, 2020 Breaking News, Latest News, and Videos

Alert: Police Blotter: Santa Monica

“I Have Something To Show You!”

Wednesday, October 14, 9:51 a.m. Officers were called to the AM-PM store at the 300 block of Pico Boulevard to investigate a report of an incident. When the officers arrived they observed a man standing in the doorway, facing into the store, and with his back to them. The officers approached, and as they did so, the man turned around, and in doing this rotation, the officers immediately realized the reason for the call. The man’s pants were unzipped, thus exposing, for all to see, his pubic hair, and, his penis. The officers investigated some more, by speaking to the victim in the store, who told them that this chap had exposed his stuff to her several times prior to the cops’ arrival. The suspect, a male black transient, aged 20, was arrested for indecent exposure and several warrants.

He Was Faking It.

Thursday, October 15, 7:38 a.m. Officers were called to the Exxon gas station at the 1300 block of Lincoln Boulevard in order to investigate a fraudulent currency report. Apparently, the eagle-eyed employee at the gas station had noticed that a man had attempted to purchase ten dollars worth of gas, by handing him a twenty-dollar bill that appeared to be counterfeit. The employee informed this man that he would not accept the bill, as he believed it to be a fake. This guy refused to leave the gas station, so the employee called the police (he was not bluffing). The possessor of the twenty decided to wait until the police arrived (calling his bluff?). And arrive they did, found another fake twenty on this male black transient, and so arrested him, took him to jail, and booked him for possession of fraudulent currency.

“Hey, Cops, I’m Drunk, Arrest Me!”

Friday, October 16, 7:00 p.m. Officers were walking along the 1200 block of Third Street Promenade when a man who appeared to them to be (to use the idiom) the worse for wear through drink, walked up to them. The officers had their suspicions confirmed, when this person, of his own volition, looked directly at the cops, and stated that he had consumed 17 (yes, seventeen!) shots of Patron, a brand of tequila, that the maker’s website claims is “simply perfect.” What was not simply perfect, however, was what ensued, because this man then attempted to turn around, but failed in accomplishing this simple action, and fell over (perfectly?) to the ground. The guy then told the officers that he had driven to the Promenade, and had parked in one of the nearby parking structures (please arrest me, please!). The officers decided that this guy was not able to take care himself, and, given his condition, it would be in the best interests of the entire universe if they arrested him. As the officers made initial attempts to do this, the guy kicked at them, and refused to enter the police vehicle (impaired judgment, perhaps?), but eventually they succeeded and took him to jail. When they arrived at the Santa Monica jail, this man grabbed an officer’s thumb, and attempted to bend it backwards (he meant business). He was charged with assault on a police officer and public intoxication.

Vidiot.

Saturday, October 17, 7:19 p.m. Officers went to the 1400 block of Third Street Promenade because an assault report had come in. This is what they discovered upon arrival: The victim claimed that he had been filming a street performer when the suspect approached and insisted that he stop the camera. The victim continued to film, and the suspect then attempted to take the camera away, and in doing so began a tug-o-war with the camera standing in for the traditional knotted rope. A bystander, realizing that this was not a friendly sporting event, intervened and separated these two people. The suspect walked away, sans camera, but the victim had received an injury to his left pinky during the tug. The officers found the suspect, a male black, aged 40, from Virginia, a short distance away, and arrested him for robbery.

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