I’m worried my boyfriend of five months is cheating on me. Recently I’ve noticed that he never answers the phone or stays on the computer when I’m in the room and he acts really secretive about his whereabouts. How do I find out if he’s cheating? – Ali, 28
Thanks so much for your question. First I want to tell you how sorry I am that you are going through this situation. It is awful to feel that you can’t trust the man who is supposed to love you.
There are a few questions to ask yourself to get more clarity on this situation.
First ask yourself is this a pattern for you? Have you felt this way in past relationships? Find out if you are used to looking for proof that a man is not being truthful.
Also, have you ever been cheated on (for sure) before? If so there is possibly some leftover mistrust and resentment from your past relationship that you are bringing into this new relationship.
Lastly, if you don’t trust him then why are you with him? Ask yourself why in a million years would you be with someone who you have any doubts about. It is self-torture to stay in a relationship with someone you can’t trust. It is a huge red flag that something is wrong in the relationship since trust is the main ingredient of a healthy relationship.
Perhaps you are not fully ready to trust and love someone just yet which is totally okay. Try taking some time for yourself to be alone and sort through your core beliefs about men. Journaling and meditation can help. Try completing this sentence in as many ways as possible in order to find your hidden beliefs about men: Men are ________.
If you have a bunch of negative beliefs about men then they will most definitely be proven to be true as you always find what you’re looking for.
Try finding proof about the good qualities in men by looking for them on purpose instead of expecting the negative outcomes. Men really are our heroes if we let them be.
But we can only accept the great qualities in men when we feel we really deserve it. Low self-esteem may be blocking you from getting the love you deserve. For instance if you believe you’re not truly unworthy of love then you will keep attracting men who agree with you and end up mistreating you.
Anthea Kerou is a Certified Holistic Health Coach based in Santa Monica specializing in datingcoaching. She is available for private coaching sessions, email firstname.lastname@example.org. Alternatively, visit heartfacewellness.com or facebook.com/heartfacewellness for more information.
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