January 16, 2021 Breaking News, Latest News, and Videos

Apple Store To Add “White Stuff Eats” Deli At Third Street Promenade Location:

By Wysso Glumm / Assembled Press

The Apple Store has announced plans for adding a deli to its large store on the Third Street Promenade. According to corporate sources, the food counter will be called “White Stuff Eats” and feature only food items that are the same shade of white as Apple’s popular personal electronics.

Entrees will include yogurt, bleached Wheatena, milk, and library paste for those looking to relive their kindergarten paste-eating days.

In a phone interview, Apple Store regional manager Len Caucasian told The Mirror that “the White Stuff Eats menu will make offerings at rival all-white food outlets pale by comparison.”

Recently several new all-white food cafes on LA’s Westside such as “Albino’s” and “Ivory’s” have been hugely successful.

While those new restaurants feature family pricing, entrees at Apple’s White Stuff Eats will be priced like their computers and phones, starting at $400 for a large whitefish sandwich that features texting and online banking.

Customers at White Stuff Eats will order items by giving Siri the command “What’s up for lunch, girlfriend?”

Siri will then send the food order to robotic counter service devices that Apple claims are more reliable than human employees who are often so busy using their phones that orders are either mixed-up or lost completely.

Apple says there are a few bugs in the system that need to be resolved, including an incident at a San Francisco store where a robot known as “The Mayo Master” sprayed Wasabi mayonnaise on several customers who were temporarily blinded.

For more April Fool’s stories, visit smmirror.com.

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