Dear Anthea,
Help! My friends don’t like my new boyfriend! One friend in particular is always making rude comments about him. It’s putting me in an uncomfortable situation, and starting to affect my friendships. Should I say something to my friends? – Gloria, 29
Dear Gloria,
I’m deeply sorry for your situation. It is just not right for you to be out in this situation. Lets assess the possible reasons this may be happening.
Are your friends jealous?
I’ve heard countless stories from women about this kind of situation. Some girlfriends are used to having all of your time and attention available to them. When you have a new guy in your life they feel neglected and lash out in childish ways. Perhaps let her know that you care about her, value her friendship very much, and will always be there for her, however her rude treatment of your boyfriend is unacceptable and needs to stop immediately.
Do you have frenemies?
Unfortunately some people are truly miserable and don’t have the depth of character to be happy for other people’s wins in life. They are much more comfortable with friends who are down in the dumps who they can either commiserate with or feel superior to. Has she always been negative? Maybe it’s time to reassess the type of person you are willing to give your time and attention to in a friendship.
Is he being a jerk?
Sometimes when we find a new guy we can have a haze of rose-colored glasses clouding our vision. We seriously cannot see his bad behavior for ourselves since we are drugged up on oxytocin – the bonding hormone. Ask your friends what they really think about your new guy.
Find out the details and reasons why they might think he’s not a good fit for you. Try to evaluate the issues logically to see if they might be right after all.
Good luck! Hopefully this can be resolved and you can all continue your relationships in mutually respectful and loving ways.
Anthea Kerou is a Certified Holistic Health Coach based in Santa Monica specializing in dating coaching. She is available for private coaching sessions, email antheakerou@gmail.com. Alternatively, visit heartfacewellness.com or facebook.com/heartfacewellness for more information.
