January 25, 2021 Breaking News, Latest News, and Videos

Tongva Park Gets Funds & Attraction:

By Stu Pidd / Assembled Press

Santa Monica will receive some generous funding for public spaces and Tongva Park will add a new climbing and sliding attraction for “kids of all ages” according to officials who have struck a deal with pharmaceutical manufacturer AstraZeneca.

The city will receive $2 million in public area funds and Tongva will get a large purple climbing and sliding Nexium heartburn capsule attraction.

The giant reproduction of a Nexium capsule will be all metal and bear the compelling purple paint with three gold stripes that has become synonymous with acid reflux relief. 

The “big pill,” as those close to the deal are calling it, will feature a slide out one end which AstraZeneca sources describe as “sliding down to comfort in a simulated pool of stomach acid.”

The pill’s access will be sturdy and wide so that adults as well as kids can “get soothing relief from playing on it,” according to a press release headlined “Happy Esophagus for All of Us!”

Playground equipment experts have issued a list of possible side effects for those playing on the new giant Nexium pill, which included warnings about “possible headache and abdominal pain from spending too much time climbing on it. Those with low magnesium levels are instructed to talk to their pediatrician before resuming regular play activity. Playing on the Nexium pill immediately after eating may cause gastro-intestinal complications. Do not play on the big Nexium pill if you are currently climbing or sliding on any other giant pharmaceuticals.”

For more April Fool’s stories, visit smmirror.com.

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