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Alert: Police Blotter:

Undesignated Driver

Wednesday, August 12, 1:35 a.m. Officers of The Santa Monica Police Department were requested to attend the Casa del Mar Hotel, located at 1910 Ocean Way, because a possible fight had been reported. When they arrived at the hotel they investigated the report, and deduced what had occurred. Apparently, a hotel guest had become intoxicated (the hotel boasts, amongst other features, a well stocked bar that serves all manner of alcoholic beverages), approached the parking valet, and demanded the keys to his vehicle. At that point, some friends of this “drunk with a desire to drive” made attempts to dissuade him from driving his vehicle in that alcohol affected state. The parking valet also, very responsibly, informed this guy that if he did attempt to drive, the police would be called. This guy’s best judgment at that time dictated that he should attempt to hit the parking valet for saying that, and at that point two other hotel employees stepped in, whereupon this guy made the decision to assault them as well. After a short period of time, this man was restrained until the cops arrived. He was arrested for battery on a person, and assault on a person. Bail was set at $20,000.

* * * *

One Charge Is Not Enough

Thursday, August 13, 1:08 a.m. An officer was standing at the corner of 4th Street and Broadway conducting police business when he suddenly heard someone yelling. The officer looked up and witnessed a man standing in the road on 4th Street, banging on the passenger window of a pickup truck that was moving down the street at a slow speed. The officer asked the suspect what was going on, but the suspect chose not to get involved in a conversation with the officer, and just walked away and crossed the street. This guy eventually stopped on the southwest corner of 4th Street and Broadway. Other officers then appeared and detained him, along with help from the original officer in this case. After they had got hold of this odd gentleman, the officers detected the smell of alcohol upon his breath, and so handcuffed him, and arrested him for being drunk in public. The officers then attempted to place him in the back seat of a cop car for his ride to jail, but this guy must have thought that being charged with being drunk in public was not enough, so he then became aggressive, and refused entry to the car (obstructing or resisting an officer). He then started to shout that he was going to kill these policemen (terrorist threats) and continued these rants during the ride to Police HQ. He was charged with all of the above as well as a probation violation. Bail: $50,000.

* * * *

Officers Target The Beach

Friday, August 14, 2:10 p.m. Officers on beach patrol observed a number of people walking along the 1500 block of Santa Monica Beach. What’s unusual, one might ask? Well, these people were carrying several beach umbrellas and body boards, as well as a tub filled with cups of cut fruit (a mini Target store?), suggesting that they were there in order to sell people the items, in contravention of Santa Monica Municipal Code 6.36.040(a) that prohibits that activity. After further observation, these eagle-eyed officers suspicions were confirmed when they saw these “vendors” walking through beachgoers offering the items for sale (get ya fruit, body boards and umbrellas ‘ere, buy one get one free?). They were detained for the above violation.

* * * *

We Love Each Other, Honest!

Friday, August 14, 11:45 p.m. Officers were called to the 100 block of Hollister Avenue in response to a domestic violence report. When they arrived they spoke to a male and a female, who confessed that they were involved in a dating relationship (not a crime), but denied that any altercation had occurred. An independent witness however did provide a detailed account that an altercation had in fact taken place, and also pointed out the suspect in said conflict. The officers placed this suspect under arrest and they were taken off and charged with domestic battery. At the time of going to press it is not known by The Mirror as to whether it was the male, or the female that was arrested in this case, but one could safely assume it was the male, as statistics suggest that in the human species, this is usually the case. That being said, however, in the animal world, if something bites you, it is most likely to be female. That has nothing to do with this case per se, but is food for thought, perhaps.

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