Dear Anthea,
I’ve been dating and dating for what seems like forever and still haven’t found anyone. Is it okay to take a break and stop dating for a while? I want to find someone and be proactive but the process is becoming frustrating. – Samantha, 36
Hi Samantha,
I hear your frustration. It’s a normal part of the dating process for many of us and you are not alone.
Yes it is absolutely okay to take a break from dating for a few reasons.
Have you ever heard the saying “the ends is in the means.” This is absolutely true. You cannot forcefully date and expect the results of the experience or subsequent relationship to be easygoing and natural. The process must be enjoyable in order to have happy results. So if it’s not enjoyable change something or get out. There’s no way to win by forcing it.
Just because you’ve decided to take a break doesn’t mean you are wasting your time or sitting on your laurels. Actually, this can be one of the most transformative times of your life. There is important info to know about yourself before finding your partner.
You can use the time to get to know yourself more. There is some great work by Alison Armstrong in her “In Sync with the Opposite Sex” audio series where she talks about setting your dating intention, and knowing the gifts you are hoping to give and receive in a relationship.
Figure out the patterns that may have been blocking you. Use this time for deep introspection through daily journaling and meditating. Take an inventory of your beliefs and find out if you are harboring resentment towards anyone from your past and do some forgiveness work.
Practice being a muse to all men by being yourself, the best version of you, everyday and light up other people’s lives. You can do this while volunteering or even at the coffee shop. Just practice giving your full, undivided attention to every man that you meet. Practice listening without judgment and staying present.
Are you clear on the feeling you are hoping to experience in your dream relationship? Perhaps you want to feel supported, energized, or connected. Spend time every day in the space of these feelings. Use your imagination to experience your hearts desire now.
You have to continue to practice healthy self care routines. Engaging in self destructive and self sabotaging actions like binge drinking to escape your feelings, casual sex to avoid feeling lonely, and negative bitter attitudes about the opposite sex will leave you worse off than before.
Make sure you are nourishing your mind, body, and spirit during this time. Stay on track with your personal improvement path. You will become a better-rounded person and have more to give in a partnership.
These are some great ways to remain proactive and engaged while taking a break from the hot pursuit of dating. So take a week, a month, a year if you want. It will be time well spent getting to know yourself and clarifying what you are looking for.
Trust you will know when it’s time to get back out there. If you are actively doing all these suggestions you will be wildly magnetic and attractive, don’t be surprised if you find your life partner without even looking.
Anthea Kerou is a Certified Holistic Health Coach based in Santa Monica specializing in dating coaching. She is available for private coaching sessions, email antheakerou@gmail.com. Alternatively, visit heartfacewellness.com or facebook.com/heartfacewellness for more information.
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