June 22, 2024 Breaking News, Latest News, and Videos

The Dating Report: Who Pays?:

Hi Anthea,

I recently joined an online dating site and I’m having success meeting great girls, but the cost of dating is starting to add up. What is your advice on who pays? Generally I meet for drinks on a first date, if that goes well I try and plan something fun like bowling for a second date, then if all is going well dinner for a third date. I feel obliged to pay for everything at the beginning of a relationship, especially when the girl doesn’t offer to contribute to the costs of these things. Is this a good way to go about things? At what stage is it okay to ask your date to start splitting the cost? – Ash, 25.

Hi Ash,

Thanks for your question. This is a tricky, tricky topic!

The direct answer is you have the right to ask her to split the cost at anytime. However that doesn’t make it an effective choice if you want your date to feel special, cared for, and excited about you.

From what you’ve shared with me, it sounds like you are enjoying your role as the masculine pursuer. If not you would be waiting around for girls to ask you out on dates they’ve planned. It sounds like you are familiar with the idea that women desire to be courted in the early stages of a relationship.

Expectations are always a killer to building a relationship.  Why should the girl contribute to these costs when you are the one planning them and inviting her? She may even think it would be offensive to you if she offered to pay, in a way emasculating your ability to provide.   

Ask yourself if you enjoy paying for dates or do you only pay because you think you should. Resentment is never attractive. If you are doing something you resent it will always create barriers to intimacy. You are faking a characteristic in order to attract her. This will backfire when she learns your real desires.

If you truly don’t enjoy paying for dates then you have a choice of finding a woman who wants to take this responsibility. Just know that this woman will likely also have ideas on what types of dates, the planning of them, and the general leadership of the relationship. This could cause issues down the road when you both want to be in the masculine role. There can only be one driver in a car at one time.

A good rule of thumb is whoever does the asking does the paying. This ensures that you won’t have to commit to paying for something you can’t afford. And it keeps you squarely in the masculine role of initiating dates.  

Dates don’t have to cost anything. You could suggest a walk on the beach or going to watch the sunset if you don’t want to spend any money.

Equality is tricky. It’s stale. It doesn’t allow for the polarity which is responsible for creating passion and attraction.  Watch out that you don’t end up more like friends, coworkers or even brother and sister in your attempt to become equal.

It’s a good idea to avoid negotiating cost splitting until you are thinking of being in a relationship with someone, not casual dating. While you are getting to know them make sure to ask them about their philosophy about money. And what their expectations or dreams are for the future. Some women dream about becoming a stay at home mother, while others dream of being CEO. Find out what dream fits with yours.

Masculinity is hardly about money. It’s about leadership, responsibility, strength, focus, encouragement, clarity, and the ability to take care of others and protect them. Discover for yourself which dynamic forms of the masculine that you want to express in your life and relationships.

Anthea Kerou is a Certified Holistic Health Coach based in Santa Monica specializing in dating coaching. She is available for private coaching sessions, email antheakerou@gmail.com. Alternatively, visit heartfacewellness.com or facebook.com/heartfacewellness for more information.

• Do you have a dating question you would like answered? Email your question to editor@smmirror.com.

in News
Related Posts

LA County Issues Ocean Water Use Warning for Several Beaches on the First Day of Summer

June 21, 2024

June 21, 2024

Elevated Bacterial Levels Prompt Health Advisory for Popular Coastal Spots Sadly, on the first day of Summer, the Los Angeles...

THIS WEEKEND: “Venice Summer Fest 2024” Will Celebrate Local Artists, Brands, and Designers

June 21, 2024

June 21, 2024

Over 400 Artists Will Exhibit and Sell Their Original Creations  The Venice Summer Fest 2024 will take place on Saturday,...

This Palisadian Will Be the Youngest Ever U.S. Olympian in Beach Volleyball

June 21, 2024

June 21, 2024

Miles Partain, 22, Is One of Several Olympians That Came Out of Pali High By Zach Armstrong Palisadian talent will represent...

(Video) Sport Fishing and Whale Watching on the Pacific Offered by MDR Sportfishing

June 20, 2024

June 20, 2024

Located Out of Marina del Rey, More Information Can Be Found at mdrsf.com @smmirrornews Operating out of Marina del Rey,...

Roman-Style Pizza Chain Opens on Main Street

June 20, 2024

June 20, 2024

The Chain’s Menu Boasts Fresh Ingredients for Its Variety of Tradition, Gluten-Free and Vegan Options By Zach Armstrong Today on...

Sci Fi Museum’s Lease Gets Terminated at Former Sears Building

June 20, 2024

June 20, 2024

The News Comes as a Slew of Controversies Surround the Museum and Its Founder By Zach Armstrong Amid tumultuous setbacks...

Pride-Colored Towers Vandalized During Pride Month for Two Straight Years in Palisades

June 20, 2024

June 20, 2024

L.A. County Supervisor Lindsey Horvath Stated That the Graffiti Will Be Removed By Zach Armstrong For two consecutive years, pride-colored lifeguard...

Film Review: Hit Man

June 19, 2024

June 19, 2024

FILM REVIEWHit ManRated R115 MinutesLimited run in theatres May 24th – June 7th, Released June 7th on Netflix Based on...

What to Expect at This Year’s “Pier 360 Beach Festival”

June 19, 2024

June 19, 2024

The Festival Will Honor Jeff Ho, Iconic Surfboard Shaper and Founder of the Zephyr Surf Team, and Kathy Kohner Zuckerman,...

Judge Blocks Barrington Plaza Evictions, Citing Legal Violations

June 19, 2024

June 19, 2024

Owner Douglas Emmett Inc. Sought to Evict Nearly 600 Tenants Last Year, Citing Safety Upgrades The eviction of hundreds of...

Yoga Gurus Sentenced for Defrauding Malibu Doctor

June 19, 2024

June 19, 2024

Dr. Sawusch Had a Successful Medical Practice in Pacific Palisades and Amassed Significant Wealth Through Investments A federal judge sentenced...

Thief Steals $4K of Jewelry from 3rd Street Promenade Store

June 18, 2024

June 18, 2024

The Owner Says a Similar “Smash-And-Grab” Incident Took Place Earlier This Year By Zach Armstrong A Ring camera placed inside...

Homeless Man Arrested in Santa Monica for Burglary and Arson

June 18, 2024

June 18, 2024

Suspect Faces Multiple Charges After Incidents Patrol officers responded to a commercial burglary call on Saturday, May 25, at approximately...

Baby Blues BBQ Reopens in Venice Nearly Two Years After Devastating Fire

June 18, 2024

June 18, 2024

The Eatery Has Been Featured on Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives, and the Food Network By Zach Armstrong Almost two years after...

Tech Entrepreneur and Developer Company Buy Promenade Shops for $103M: Report

June 17, 2024

June 17, 2024

Acquisitions Include 1202, 1222, 1225, 1232, 1339, and 1344 Third Street Promenade Federal Realty Investment Trust has sold eight parcels...