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Boogers, Bad Breath, Smelly Pits – BFFs Tell All

I am so lucky to have amazing girlfriends. Last weekend, we were sitting around, opening gifts, having some snacks, and started to talk about what makes a great friend.

What emerged was the funniest conversation; telling the truth to your friends when no one else has the guts or gives a shit enough to alert you.

Here are the top 10 situations that put the “best” in a great friend. They all have happened to me over the years, and my BFFs saved me from being further embarrassed. Love you all!

A green booger sticking out of the nose. Is that how you spell it? This one is so gross. I blew my nose, and part of the snot remained in my nose, kinda hanging out. Eew! So unattractive. Thank god I had my friend Cyndi to point that out.

1-inch white hair growing from the chin. How could I not have known about that hair? Well, it’s a little hard to see, because it’s white and unexpected. If Sue didn’t tell me about it, me yanking it out immediately, I may have had a full goatee by now.

A trail of toilet paper stuck to my shoe walking out of the bathroom. This one is so embarrassing for me. I was in a class in my early 30s, and Nancy Travis (the famous actress) was in the class as well. I was trying to act cool around her. I went to the bathroom during break and came back dragging some toilet paper that got stuck on my shoe. Of all people, Nancy pointed it out, but in an actress-sort-of-way, playing a character. I was mortified! How much of a dork can one person be? But thank god she said something. Thanks Nancy!

Halitosis; aka bad breath. I was working at my first job in PR. The night before, I made a wicked shrimp scampi for my boyfriend and me. Oblivious to me, the garlic lingered the next day.

I was in my office, and my boss, Chris, asked me to come to her office. She shut the door when I arrived. She spoke softly, almost motherly. “Barb, you have really bad breath. I think you need to go and brush your teeth again.” Holy shit! It must have been bad if I was called into her office. She ended up being a great friend.

Green lettuce stuck in the front teeth. This happens frequently to me. I am so grateful when someone tells me right away. It looks horrible. I have told my BFFs the minute I see a foreign object lodged in their perfectly white teeth. Now, I bring a mirror and do a tooth-check right after eating.

Red lipstick not properly applied. I am known for wearing a killer red lipstick. It’s pigment based, so it sticks to everything and it’s hard to get out. This one no one told me about. I found out on my own when I went to the bathroom during a Rotary meeting.

Somehow, the bright pigment ended up on my hands. I then unconsciously touched my face. The result was lipstick on my eyebrow, forehead, everywhere. Now I bring my mirror and do a “lipctick-on-the-face” check before going into my Rotary meetings.

Food on clothes or face. This happens to me all the time. And my longtime associate and BFF Dienna was always was there to point it out. I told her that I was saving the morsel of food for later! Every time. We still laugh about these memories.

Armpits smelling is so embarrassing. When I was young, I never has a problem with this. When I was going through menopause, I guess something changed with my body chemistry. I started to have BO (body odor).

At first I thought it was someone else. Then my good friend Dana pulled me aside while working out to let me know it was me! Since then, I wear strong acting deodorant and conduct armpits-smell-tests, especially on a hot day. The joys of getting older. It sucks.

Black nose hairs sticking out. Another joy of getting older. I caught this one, looking in my rearview mirror during a stoplight. I took a U-turn and went to my neighborhood hair removal salon and had those suckers waxed out. I loved the results; my nostrils looked and felt like a baby’s behind. My friend Michael waxes his nostrils. It makes a big difference.

Pubic hairs peeking out of a bikini bottom. So in my early 20s I was a dipshit. I knew very little about self-grooming in that area. Thank goodness my BFF Carla pointed out the little hairs that were coming out to say hi. The next time I wore a bikini (the next day) they were gone!

God bless my BFFs. I am so grateful for your brutal honesty.

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