May 22, 2022 Breaking News, Latest News, and Videos

Alert: Police Blotter:

i-crime.

Tuesday, August 8, 1:36 p.m. The Apple Store located in the 1200 block of Third Street Promenade, as most readers will know, is not a specialist fruit outlet, but a purveyor of the popular consumer electronic devices manufactured by the Apple Macintosh corporation. On the above date, and at the above time officers were called to this location in response to a report of a disturbance. What had happened was that an employee of The Apple Store had received a call from an Apple call center (in India perhaps?) that informed him that someone was upset with a purchase, and was going to come to the store to “shoot everyone.” This suspect then called the store directly, and informed them that he was going to come down to the store and personally take the money from the pockets of an employee for his purchase. Officers computed that this person was inside the store, identified him and after an employee had placed him under citizen’s arrest, bussed him to Santa Monica Jail and booked him for threats. This person was a white male aged 32, and a resident of Venice.

* * * *

What Do You Think This Is, A Banana Republic?

Thursday, August 6, 6:55 p.m. Officers happened to be inside a restaurant in the 200 block of Wilshire Boulevard when they noticed a person walk away from the counter area of the restaurant without paying. These officers chewed over this for a few moments, and then decided to check with a restaurant employee to make sure that this guy had paid for his food. The employee responded with a negative. These officers decided to find this guy, and they did, in an alley outside. They took him back to the restaurant and suggested that he pay for his food. He offered to pay his $8.23 bill by offering $3.00 in cash and, wait for it, a gift card from Banana Republic (the apparel store, not a third world country with a history of military coups). Of course the restaurant was not interested in getting into the barter game and so this guy, who was intoxicated, by the way (are we surprised?) was then given the opportunity to go and get the rest of the money. He decided not to, and so this white male, aged 32, was arrested and booked for defrauding an innkeeper.

* * * *

Look At This!

Friday, August 7, 1:20 p.m. Officers rushed to the corner of 2nd Street and Broadway because they had received a report of a man who had been exposing his penis. When they arrived they spoke to a witness who informed them that he had been chatting with friends when the suspect, a white male, aged 38, of no fixed abode, pulled down his pants and exposed the contents, namely, a penis. Some customers of a nearby business yelled at him (“hey, you are exposing your Johnson!” perhaps?). But this guy was determined to continue his exhibition and walked away in order to show his penis to other people who happened to be hanging about. Officers got hold of this chap in the 1400 block of alley three and one of the witnesses placed the person under citizen’s arrest for indecent exposure. This guy was taken to jail where he was booked for public intoxication, indecent exposure, and, smoking (presumably cigarettes) on the Third Street Promenade.

* * * *

American Graffitti.

Saturday, August 8, 4:10 p.m. Officers patrolling Santa Monica noticed an individual vandalizing a Santa Monica street sign by writing something on it with a marker. The suspect was also there with an accomplice, whose job it was, was to keep a look out, presumably to spot any cops (well, he certainly won’t be hired for that job again, one assumes), while this calligraphist performed his work. Officers leapt into action (the writing was on the wall for these two!), detained these two penmen and noticed fresh chirography on the street sign. These two people were taken to Santa Monica Jail and written up for conspiracy to commit a crime and vandalism.

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